When she said " I hope you're not angry with me."
My heart sank so much as I brave thru those tears piercing out of my eyes.
You have no idea what I've been going thru.
I don't understand u will,
I don't expect you too either.

I feel vulnerable sitting next to you.
Not being able to do anything
I feel worst not being to tell u how much I want this.
For I never say things like this in my life.
Not to you. And I don't know why.
I got to know a side of him these days when we were away and tgt..

A side of him I missed and was long forgotten.
The differences were in the conversations,
It was genuine, it was surreal.
I'm older and it was mature.
I saw him laughed so happily as we sat side by side in the 8hrs ride.
I knew I was happy.
As I closed my eyes and fell asleep.
I tilt my head up and look at him.
I saw those eyes for the first time once again.
He was worried.
He had eyebags.
He had that sorrow and fear in him.

And yet I sat there happy that we had this moment.

Nothing I do could change back to that time.
I don't know what it will be.
I can't hang in there any longer.
I feel terrible.
Tonight I allow my tears to stream all over my cheeks.
Behind close doors as I lie on this bed.

I can't imagine what's the future behold for us. But I'm not lookin forward to it either.
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